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THE LORD OF THE RINGS

 

 

  Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

 

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

Gandalf


Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.

 

 

Bilbo Baggins
 
It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


[Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.]

 

 

Elrond
 
Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.


[They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.]

 

 

Boromir

 

Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.

 

 

Frodo

 

No.

 

 

Boromir

 

What have I done?

[dies]

 

THE END

 

 

 

THE TWO TOWERS


[Gandalf frees THEODEN and overthrows SARUMAN. A bunch of IRRELEVANT stuff happens. Then the PLOT starts up again.]

 

 

THE END

 

 

 

THE RETURN OF THE KING

 

Aragorn

 

We must travel the Paths of the Dead.

 

 

Eowyn

 

You'll die.

[They don't.]

 

 

Gandalf

 

The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith.

[They don't.]

 

 

Gandalf

 

We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed.

[They aren't.]

 

 

Gollum

 

Mmmm, yummy finger!

[dies]

 

 

Frodo

 

The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.

 

 

Sam

 

Buck up, Master Frodo.

 

[A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.]

 

THE END

 

 

***

 

 

Powyższe skróty pochodzą ze strony www.rinkworks.com i są własnością Samuela
Stoddarda. Został zamieszczony tutaj za zgodą autora.
 

 

 

Nadesłał: Kazek

e-mail: kazzek@o2.pl